Due to technical difficulties and some really crappy software development by Dotnetnuke, we’re moving our Hooks feature to the Blogosphere temporarily so you can add comments and feedback to our Hooks posts. Thanks for your patience–and go ahead and get busy leaving feedback for our second Hooks Author: M.L. Barbani!!! (cue cheering and clapping)
Will people like it? Will people get it? Will they want to read more?
Sound familiar? Every writer wonders if their work is strong enough to “hook” a reader. You can test-run 250 words of your work here by sending it to Melissa at dmwest(at)hbs(dot)net. She’ll post it and set up a Forum thread so you can see what people think. As a bonus, you can add specific questions or concerns about your piece at the end and your readers will do their level best to answer them for you.
This excerpt is from an autobiography, The Way it Was – published in 1999. Visit author and artist M.l. Barbani’s blog here!
The Way it Was By M.L. Barbani.
Soon after having a successful opening of our restaurant, and business being good, Reg and I decided to buy a local existing farm about 10 kilometers north of Madrid, Spain . We started off with a bunch of chickens. One day we noticed that a lot of eggs were broken and partially eaten. There’s a rat in here somewhere, so I hit the Department’s book about chickens. What do I know? We had to find out who, which chicken was the rat!
One of my buddies, Ray Lauziere (GI from the nearby air base) was at the farm on a nice enough afternoon, and after picking out the dirty chicken dat was doing the egg grabbin’, he, said, ” Ya gotta kill dat dirty rat”.
Ray, on the outside of the wire fence yells, “Grab em Matt, and swing em around and break his scrawny neck”. So I chased and grabs this little turkey rat, and he starts screamin’ and squawkin’, and throwing feathers all over the yard. I wind up this animal like a big league pitcher and starts to propeller um. Around and around I go. I’m swinging with all my might, and this stupid bird is screechin’,, and feathers are shooin’, out in all directions. Holy chicken crap, pandemonium in the pen!
“No, No, Matt,” hollers Ray. “Not by the feet, BY the NECK “!
Running a restaurant and farm in Spain by an Italian-American, and an English partner, was not all fun and games. At one time I was a suspect in a gypsy’s murder not far from our farm. But that’s another true story. Questions??
September 8, 2008 at 5:51 pm |
Oh how funny! I wouldn’t know either how to grab and kill a rat chicken–I’d prefer to go after it with a shovel, or even better yet, a trap!
I like how you have such a strong voice right away–”I hit the Department’s book,” “dirty chicken dat” and “this stupid bird is screechin’” convey both a familiar and humorous tone. I also like the few references to baseball–I imagine there are more along the way? So much story right “off the bat!”
September 11, 2008 at 4:54 pm |
What a visual that conjures up! Your voice is priceless. Any reader would want to keep going. Now what happened with you being a suspect in a murder????
September 23, 2008 at 4:51 pm |
This makes me want to find out what happened afterwards!
The voice is strong, and I like that there is dialogue right away in the opener.
October 13, 2008 at 1:28 pm |
I love Spain and wanted more details about the farm and the restaurant. This is a good opener, but the words that grabbed me were: “suspect in a Gypsy’s murder,” and “another true story.”
You leave the reader aching for more. Just the lead that every writer wants.